Mama I'm In Love: With Not Having To STRUGGLE For Love
When it comes to Black romance, why do women have to struggle to find love?
Happy Belated Valentines day (I had every intention of sending this baby out on the Hallmark holiday but honestly, life got in the way and the words. wouldn’t flow) to those who celebrate but I wanna talk about Black love and why I refuse to suffer for it.
The idea to write about this topic hit me in the lead up/roll out of as I started seeing people begin rolling out their valentines day content and I got that weird pang of FOMO and couldn’t pinpoint why I cared that people were in love and using the holiday to shout it from the rooftops and then I had a goddamn eureka moment and realized its because I felt a hint jealousy that my holiday wouldn’t look like there’s. My valentines day was spent alone for the first time in a LOOOOONG. time, there was no huge flower delivery and no cute dinner plans I needed to get dressed for. It was me, my work computer and a couple book related videos on YouTube and a bed time of 9pm.
Don’t get me wrong, I really fucking love, love. I enjoy being in love and loved on properly and this year wasn’t the year for me and that’s ok so instead I got lost in the Black as hell love stories written by amazing authors and told myself I would write my feelings in this newsletter and share it with all. of you so here we are.
FALLING IN LOVE WITH MY DEAD HUSBANDS BEST FRIEND
“Every part of you belongs to me, and I might not be worthy of the job, but I promise you I won’t rest until all of your needs are met. All you have to do is trust me to take care of them. Can you do that, angel?”
I can’t put into words how fulfilling reading this book as for me. To watch Sloane go through the pain of losing her husband, falling for his best friend and learning how to let the guilt ease was SO fucking beautiful and to know this Black love story wasn’t rooted in pain but rooted in self discovery after the passing a loved one was so important. JL Seegers wrote a phenomenal love story that had me begging for my own version of Dominic who doesn't want to own me but wants to cherish me and love me with nothing but care because Black women specifically deserve to be loved well.
RECONNECTING WITH A PAST LOVER
“And maybe that was what real, adult love was. Being fearless enough to hold each other close no matter how catastrophic the world became. Loving each other with enough ferocity to quell the fears of the past. Just fucking being there.”
― Tia Williams, Seven Days in June
This book was like being wrapped in a warm hug - there were uncomfortable moments where my heart physically ached through the flashbacks and everything leading up to that point but when I finished the book and I sat with myself the biggest takeaway was how amazing it was to read a BLACK as hell love story that wasn’t rooted in trauma. Was there a few traumatic moments? Yes. But they wernt’t the main focus of the story.
I was screaming LOVE IS DEAD all last week to anyone who was willing to listen and then I read these two books and reminded myself that love isn’t dead, self love is the name of this season, I was lost for a little while but i’m learning to trust that love will come back around and it will be that crying in bed at 1am while reading a beautiful book kind of love where you can’t rest until it ends, the love that isn’t painful but easy, where laughter is often, crying is seldom and sex is plentiful.
I hope you find that kind of love too.
Until next time friends!