Brokenhearted to...finding myself again? LUL. The title is a work in progress
i don't need to BEREAL. i need to start writing again...
As we gear up for 2022 to come to an end and usher in 2023, I wanted to take a step back and reflect on the life I am living now vs the one that led me to start this online diary - and that is truly what this has been, a diary. I tried so hard to make this some beautifully written, with quotable moments and a reason people wanted to subscribe when in reality I only started this newsletter because I had lost everything I thought I needed, or as my therapist has eloquently put it, ‘my sense of self was violently ripped out from under me during a drunken night’ I still refuse to comprehend. My partner had left me and it felt like I was on an island alone desperately looking for a boat of some sort to carry me away from the pain. So I wrote. I didn’t make sense every time but it was honest and occasionally self reflective but above all else it was cathartic. I had finally begun to see the illusive light at the end of the tunnel and some days it shined so bright it felt like my lighthouse guiding me home. (hmm bre, maybe this should be a dedicated post at some point…)
The reason I’m over here rambling is simple, I started to neglect this little sliver of healing because I got lost in the world of books - where I could watch someone’s heartbreak from the sidelines or watch a couple fall in love and feel it. It was easier to live in bliss surrounded by someone else’s love story than having to focus on my own BUT I’m back. At least for now. I have this strong desire to type words on a page again, smile again, allow a love story that I am the star of to unfold and I look forward to writing about it…i think.
Thank you for sticking with me - I hope you don’t regret it.